Today's Tweets, from Twitter.com

• 04:10 Finally havin a pint on my own, people watching, chilling out. music shit but beer ok. #

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• 01:37 Oh, wow! Brauhaus on lauriston place! Insane range of nice bottles. 7.5% wheat beer - Erdinger pikantus - cheaper than Hoose Hoegaarden! #

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I've just completed the first third of the beading on the cuffs. ( Read more... )

And I've just watched Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and it's very amusing.

It was particularly amusing because I'm currently reading a book by Austin Grossman called "Soon I Will Be Invincible", which is all about comic-book superheroes, alternate chapters told from the point of view of Doctor Impossible (villain, boo hiss) and Fatale (hero, yay woohoo). Dr Horrible and Captain Hammer would fit right in to that book ...

(Googling suggests this is Grossman's first novel, but he has worked in the computer games industry for a while, including System Shock. Cool !)

well, their live action 3D technology works, and they do like to show it off at every opportunity.

Actually the story was better than I expected - the movie will still be watchable as a DVD later with no 3D - though you might wonder why this or that scene was filmed from that angle.

Rather glad hubby came with me to this one - he had to hold my hand at some scenes. There's a mine railway scene (it's in the trailer, so I'm not really spoiling anything). As I suspected, in 3D it turns into a roller coaster ride. (I don't do roller coaster rides *g*)

Godsdamn, that's another pagan forum gone. Seriously, is there some kind of law that states the likelihood of the membership being complete and utter arseholes depending on the subject matter? But the thing that really irritates me is bullies. What is the point of being a member of a forum when all you are going to do is pick apart someone elses post? Why not debate? Why not contribute for fuck sake? Does it give people some kind of mental hard-on to be an utter cunt to others? Seriously, enquiring minds want to know.

So instead of wasting my time with people who cannot concieve of seeing someone elses point of view, today I cooked. Oh, how I cooked! First I shopped though, as I needed ingredients and kitchen utensils. Let me tell you I get a much bigger thrill out of buying a set of scales and a nice new sharp kitchen knife than I ever get out of shopping for clothes. I may be clothed in rags, but I can at least dice onions like a pro. :D

I cooked apple and blackcurrant tarts (with homegrown blackcurrants thankyouverymuch). I have also made my sheeps cheese and nettle quiche (with nettles from my garden, although that may not be something to be proud of), and I have made the pastry and filling for mushroom pasties, which will be finished tomorrow. I also need to pick a bottle of homebrew and defrost the elderlower cordial. All this munificence is for the York Pagan Meet Up picnic tomorrow, which will at least have more than the usual 4-5 members, as we realised threats worked better than politeness. Although it is raining now it looks as if the weather will be good tomorrow. So I will pack up my rucksack with homemade goodies and walk to St Nicks, which has a lovely stone circle (modern, if anyone cares) and eat and drink all afternoon. Good times.

Now to find my article on Witchvox about the different cliques on forums. It doesn't matter who the participants are, the basic principle stays the same. Maybe if I link it in my sig someone may actually think about what they post before they storm in all guns blazing. Then again, maybe I am the lost heir of Lemuria and am the hope of mankind. As in, not bloody likely.

I've been inspired by the language lessons I've seen online for Lojban and the books I've got on learning Latin. I also hold copies of The Klingon Dictionary, Klingon for the Galactic Traveller, The Klingon Way, and the little phrase book in Power Klingon - also, the full list of new canon Klingon words available on the KLI's website, which hasn;t been updated since December 2005 tut tut tut.

Some long, long time ago I began a series of correspondence Klingon courses. Then I discovered email, the Web and, later on, blogging.

I'd like to bring some of those Klingon language lessons here to this, or a parallel, blog.

Anyone want to see my teaching style in action? :D

Over the last few weeks, I`ve once again encountered several pet hates of mine: lazy writers who manage to create a wonderful and evocative fantasy world, but manage to fall down when it come`s to basic research into things as simple as what a horse is capable of or how to describe a realistic sword-fight.

 

Sure, it`s a fantasy world, but to craft an all immersive reading environment, every setting requires at least some degree of consistency. It`s hard to maintain a gritty and evocative environment when a writer fails to take into account the effects of rain on visibility – or has a half-naked, magic-less barbarian warrior wading through a snowstorm sans loin cloth with little regard for the effects of hypothermia.

 

Not just lazy writing, but a sound example of a potential for drama lost.

 

Here then,  on both the sci-fi writers group and my own journal page, shall begin a series of short essays on these common “writing gaffs”. The first essay is with regards to just what it takes to properly care for a horse, as well as a description of just how much punishment a horse can take before keeling over dead.

 

The Care and Handling of Horses:

 

Endurance:

 

Contrary to popular belief among fantasy and even historical fiction novelists, a horse is NOT an organic sports car. Riding a horse is not simply a case of putting fuel in one end and then steering the thing as it gallops across the landscape at thirty miles an hour for days on end.

 

In fact, riding a horse is not much quicker than walking. A good horse (with rider) can cover about thirty miles a day in rolling country. Over the same terrain, a fit man could cover about thirty miles in ten hours (A Zulu warrior could famously run fifty miles or so in a day and still be fit to fight at the end of it). While the top-speed of a horse is certainly much greater than that of a human, unlike early human hunters, a horse cannot run all day without suffering from exhaustion and, eventually, death. Like humans, horses sweat profusely while exerting themselves physically. Like humans, but unlike most other animals; horses tend to sweat across most of their body surface, allowing them to control their temperature for longer periods.

 

However, horses sweat a great deal, as anyone who has every watched the Grand National can tell you. Like human sweat, horse sweat requires the excretion of a great deal of salt. Horses cannot replace salt from their diet as well as humans can, largely because, unlike humans, horses do not eat meat. This makes it harder for a horse to recover from a hard run.

 

The best policy for speed is to alternate short bursts of running or trotting with a longer period of simply walking the horse. In fact, even better practice for keeping a horse healthy is to get off the damn thing and walk for ten minutes or so after every hour of riding.

 

The average horse needs to be rested and fed three to four times a day on a long journey. Especially while carrying a human. To avoid becoming ill, a horse needs at least an hour or so to cool down before it can be safely fed. Likewise, after feeding and drinking it requires at least an hours rest to avoid becoming bloated and ill. Trust me, nothing smells so foul as horse vomit and diarrhoea.

 

Oh, and be sure to give its muscles and coat a good rub down even after a short run. Horses can get muscle sprains and other injuries as easily as you do.

 

This is one of the main reasons why horses tend to drop dead on a forced march much sooner than a walking human.

 

Diet

 

In fact, ancient, medieval and modern military manuals agree that an average horse on campaign consumes 10lbs of grain and 10 lbs of fodder a day. It also needs about 80 lbs of water. That’s right. 80lbs! An ox needs about 150! It’s just not possible for most horses (especially the larger breeds) to survive on grass and forage alone over a long period (by which I mean more than a few days). Especially if the horse in question has to carry the weight of a rider, as well as his gear.

 

For a long expedition then, a second horse or mule (to carry the horse food, not extra gear for the humans) is essential. A heavily laden pack mule needs about as much food and water in a day as a horse and carry enough fodder and grain to keep itself fed for about 27 days. So if a rider has one horse and one mule, he can travel for only about 2 weeks before he needs to stop for more supplies for his animals. Let’s hope the horse is strong enough to carry the human’s food as well as the human.

 

Personality:

 

Horses run the full range of personality types found in most animals. But on the whole, they have an annoying tendency to be lazy, stupid, self-destructively curious and even, in some cases, malicious.

 

The average horse can be developed in a full fledge character of its own. In the novel, “Ash,” by Mary Gentle, each of the title characters three horses had it’s own, well-developed personality. Don’t overlook the value and potential of the hero’s mount as a storytelling character.

 

Secondly, from a writing perspective, most horses have a healthy sense of self-preservation. A hero cannot simply jump on the back of any old nag and expect it to charge cheerfully off into battle with him. Horses are stupid – but their not THAT stupid. Like most humans, they aren’t too keen at the thought of riding into battle. It takes years to train a modern  day police horse not to shy away from crowds, let alone rioting mobs. Warhorses were specially trained and bred for battle. A warhorse would be at least three years old before anyone would even consider riding them into a fight. An untrained horse will buck, shy away from, and even throw a rider it has known for years in order to avoid a battle or a fire. Don’t even THINK about trying to take one near an elephant. Not unless you want to be trampled by a very angry dobbin!

 

That being said, it`s not unknown for even a simple riding horse to stand valiantly over its fallen rider, defending it to the last. The poor thing would be foaming around the mouth in terror at the time, mind you, but it does happen.

 

Horse Riding:

 

It can take weeks of practice to learn to ride a horse properly. A very painful experience let me tell you, especially for the inner thigh and, as many writers forget, the calves. The latter can become especially painful if the stirrups are not adjusted correctly or absent altogether. Which reminds me, don’t bother using shock cavalry tactics if the riders are bareback or without stirrups. Charging with a spear poised like lance when you don’t have a stirrup is a sure way to end up on the ground with your opponent laughing at you as he shoves his sword through your gut. Before the invention of the stirrup, cavalry were strictly scouts and skirmishers rather than shock troops.

 

Most horses are either bridle or stirrups trained. That is, most horses are trained to respond to instructions given either by tapping the bridle against the side of the neck or by poking them in the ribs with your heel, stirrup or spur. A very few horses are trained to respond to verbal commands or pressure from the riders knee or thigh. Some horses may be trained in two or more such methods. Generally, show horses and gentle riding horses are trained to the bridle. Less delicate horses, and breeds trained to military or police service, (or used in some other role where the rider is likely to require use of both hands) are generally stirrup or even knee trained.

 

So make sure your hero knows what sort of commands the horse will respond to when he jumps down upon its back - perhaps he takes the time to observe how the locals ride while scouting out the scene of his latest escapade, for example. However, the potential comedy value in having a stirrup trained rider jump onto a bridle trained mount to make his escape is immense. It’s one I`ve used to good effect myself more than once.

 

THE GENDER OF YOUR HORSE MATTERS.

 

There’s a reason most warhorses were geldings (yes, horses can be eunuchs too) or mares.

 

All to often, the hero of our tale rides around on a big stallion. Owww. Not good. While its possible to ride a stallion, you’d have to be mad to do it. Especially if you happen to be female and aged between 12 and fifty.

 

 Generally a stallion is used as breeding stock and that’s it. For one thing, stallions tend to be a mite rowdy at the best of times and downright uncontrollable around a mare in season. Plus it’s no myth that menstruating female humans should avoid being anywhere near a stallion in heat. Male horses really do pick up on female pheromones, and some have a hard time controlling themselves around human females experiencing that time of the month.

 

So for Red Sonya that horse was all wrong (sorry Howard, you’re a writing legend and one of my literary heroes, but a  Texan should have known better). In fact, several historical records feature anecdotes regarding some damn fool who tried to ride into battle on a stallion. Most end with him lying in the dirt inside a circle of his mates all pointing fingers at him and laughing themselves sick. The rest end with him lying in a circle of enemies with a great big bloody spear in his gut.

 

So, no stallions. Especially not in battle.

 

SUMMARY:

 

So as you can see, horse’s and cars really don’t have a lot in common, other than the fact the crap that comes out of the back end isn’t exactly good for global warming. I`m sure after even a cursory glance at this article, most people can look back and think of a few authors who really should have spent a few more hours in research than they did. Of course, the best way to find out about horses is to go and ride one. I heartily recommend it to you all. I also hope that this article has been of use to you. Let me know if it has been, in which case I`ll probably do another in a similar vein.

 

Perhaps one on just how hard it actually is to kill a human being. What fun!

Title: Dinner Date, Part Four
Author: mikes_grrl
Rating: Brown Cortina (NC-17+)
Pairing: Sam/Gene/Missus (yes)
Warnings: Secks! Yorkshire Pudding! …and a little bit of angst…
Word Count: 15,500~ (in four parts; part four, 4,100~)
Summary: Sam hasn’t got a clue, but the Hunts have a plan.

NOTES for Part Four: SORRY SORRY SORRY this took so long to post. It was done and finished and ready and waiting but my home internet connection was cut off (cruel, cruel world!) so I had to sit on it. Anyway, here it is, nice and long, and I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading the story and thanks for being patient!

Background (link goes to my LJ):
Part One
Part Two
Part Three

(  Dinner Date, Part Four  )

I'm starting to think that Crewe has it in for rwrylsin[1]. She's stuck there tonight, as it is apparently impossible to get a train from there to Glasgow (or Edinburgh !) after 6pm on Saturday evening. She's found a hotel for the evening, and will be back sometime tomorrow. Her previous encounter with Crewe was a delayed train, stuck near there for about 3 hours as she was heading back to Glasgow from London one time.

So, another quiet night at home for me ... although I seem to have disappeared half a bottle of red wine, guess I liked it.


[1] I suspect the feeling is mutual.

And there goes my most recent dream. I'd look like a wannabe.

And I strive to be a leader, not a follower.

No, I'm not going to link you to anything here. It's a musical Mad Scientist. He's a Joss Whedon thing, and Nathan Fillion's in it. Just wait by the river long enough, and someone'll post you an email link to the site.

That, and you'll be able to amuse yourself watching the bodies of my enemies floating by. Dead of self-inflicted injuries, every last one.

Damn, I'm good.

Title: In the Cold Light of DayNotes: This is a sequel to Sweet Dreams, which was written for the 1973flashfic challenge 'Comfort' (and thanks to all those who commented and requested a sequel!). No plot to speak of ;-).
Unbeta'd, so let me know if you spot anything wrong. Concrit welcomed, as always.

 

Most folks will know this by now but this journal is friends only so comment to be added if ya like.

I was curiously browsing through those little iPhone applications. Some have looked useful. Others I have concluded are space wasters, but check this one out.

What is it about local farm shops? Today we went to Hoy's Farm Shop to investigate local fruit and veg. Oh and cakes. The flyer we picked up promised home bakery cakes and buns. When we got to the farm shop, in the middle of nowhere in the Sixmile Valley, we found it deserted. A small sign sellotaped to the freezer told us that due to low demand they were only selling ice-cream from the shop these days. We left £2 in the honesty box and took 2 small tubs of strawberry ice-cream. It was very good ice-cream, but not good enough to make up for the complete lack of farm shop stuff. And cakes.

Last year we were disappointed by Ballylagan, after making a special trip out to it. In their favour they had an open shop. But the fruit and veg was grotty, I've seen better thrown out at St George's Market. And their meat was all stored in a walk-in freezer, so you didn't get to choose your own.

Thank goodness for Lidl, I got Co. Antrim veg (and a load of cold cuts) there. I guess I'll just have to get my act together and go to the big Farmers' Market in town.

I hope you're all watching Dr. Horrible, because it's going to be gone soon.